i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
