so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
