my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
