I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
