I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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