do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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