I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
