I'm jealous of your bromance
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wear drunk well.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
