I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dick very happy bro
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
