I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
