i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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