Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
