so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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