so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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