I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't shave. On purpose
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
