someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
