Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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