In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
