i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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