im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
