the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
