who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
