You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
