We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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