I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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