True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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