Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
