guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
