Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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