I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet he comes in French.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
