Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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