Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
