i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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