Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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