Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
