I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
