worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
