dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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