I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
