We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
