Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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