my shit smells like andre
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
