Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
