Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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