I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
