i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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