I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
