My brain says no but my pants say off.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
