i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
