I'm fucking your sister right now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?