she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.