Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.