God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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