My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
