Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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