Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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