respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
