I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize