My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
