the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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