I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
