If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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