I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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