why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
