I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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