That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found puke in my bra..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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