you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Boobs speak an international language.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
