Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I didn't shave. On purpose
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
