What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
