eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize