i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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