those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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