Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
