she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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