The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
