Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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