We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
