I met the friendliest cop last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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