hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
