Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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