I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
