i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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