lets start a swedish sibling band together
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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