Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
