He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize